Facing Your Fears, Even In A Dark Cave

The cave was cold, it was dark, and it held a secret. Luke could not ignore it. Yet as unsettling as it was, Luke had to face his fear. Our kids must do the same thing. What will you do to help?

Fear – it is a natural part of life. One of our most basic survival functions. Fear can serve to protect, energize, and warn us of impending danger. Fear can also be crippling, and cause individuals to be paralyzed, unable to act. When this happens, rational thought ends, and individuals are not able to think through an issue.

Even in the Star Wars universe, this had to be conquered. Yoda knew, as he trained Luke, that fear left unchecked, would lead Luke down a dark path. He had seen this happen with another apprentice – Anakin. Fear is something all must confront. If allowed to grow, it will cripple a person, and keep them from reaching their potential.

A few years ago, one of my students made me a card. It said “Mr. Mickles is Yoda”. Now, hopefully he meant that I am wise, and not that I am old, green, shriveled up, and walk with a cane (Oh wait, that last one I do sometimes). While I am not sure exactly what that student meant, I do know that Master Yoda was wise. His teachings throughout the Star Wars saga provide some of the best lessons that can be shared with children.

In Episode 5, Yoda begins the task of training the fist Jedi of a new generation.  Over the weeks of training, Luke is put through the wringer. Constant workouts, studying, and practicing are Luke’s daily routine. As he works through this routine one day, he comes upon a cave. Instantly, he knows something is not right. Yoda tells him that the cave is full of the dark side, and that he must go.

When Luke asks what is in the cave waiting for him, Yoda simply replies, “Only what you take with you.” He then adds, “Your weapons, you will not need them.” Luke chooses to ignore this, and ventures into the cave. Once inside, he encounters an image of Vader. As they fight, Luke decapitates the vision, and is startled to discover his face under the mask.

Yoda had been correct. The only thing in the cave was what Luke had taken with him – his fear. Fear of the future. Fear of the unknown. Fear that he would not be strong enough. While these fears may have had some basis in reality, they were fears that were mainly in Luke’s mind. His doubt, his disbelief, and his fear were holding him back. To reach his potential, he had to overcome these fears, and he needed someone to help him do this.

If you have kids, these next few scenes are probably familiar. It is late, the kids are asleep, the house is quiet, and all is peaceful. Suddenly, a storm comes up. As a crack of thunder breaks the silence, the little ones come tearing out of their rooms, terrified. Their fear has taken hold, and they do not feel they can face it.

You are out one afternoon, and your child has just gotten a new bike. This is their first bike without training wheels. They want to learn to ride the bike, but they is afraid that they will fall and get hurt. As you start down the road you keep hearing – are you still holding on, are you still holding on? Fear is holding them back.

The common thread in these stories (and I am sure you could think of others you have witnessed or experienced) is fear. Fear is one of the most challenging things for individuals to overcome. Too often in a person’s life, it stops individuals before he or she even begins. All of us to some degree have experienced this same thing, just as Luke did in the Star Wars universe. The question is, what do we do about it, and how can we help our children walk through this re-occurring challenge?

The first key to over coming this can be found in Yoda’s description of the force, “A Jedi uses the force for knowledge and events, never for attack.” Knowledge is a powerful ally. When you know the facts and reasons, fear losses its power. When my students were learning about division, we worked through it step by step. When they had the knowledge, they were no longer afraid to try. When Luke had completed his training, he had the courage to stand before Vader and the Emperor and not fear the outcome, or even what he would become. Knowledge can help our younglings overcome fear.

The second key to overcoming fear is relationships. Whether friendships, family, or even spiritual faith – relationships can see us through some of the most frightening experiences of life. When my children were scared of storms, we sat out together and watched them come in and talked about what they really were. We saw and experienced its beauty.

When they saw I was not afraid, and knew that dad would not put them in danger, they were able to face something scary and not fear. Luke knew that Yoda, Obi-wan, and his friends were with him, and so he could face what was out there. Just like with my children, their relationship with me enabled them to face something fearful. As God tells us in scripture, “Fear not, for I am with you” – our relationship with Him is key to overcoming fear. Relationships overcome fear.

Also, out of this relationship, our children need to know we are there to walk through it with them. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil” – God, and others, are there to walk with us. Luke’s friends were willing to face the danger with him, and this gave him strength. Even the Emperor saw this. When challenging Luke he mockingly stated that Luke’s faith in his friends was his weakness – instead, it was an incredible source of strength. 

Finally, one of the best ways we can help our children face their fears is to let them know failure is not the end. Yoda did not give up on Luke just because he failed. He kept training him and preparing him to succeed. We need to take time to “end-game” these experiences for our children. Walk through the worst-case scenarios, and let them know that failure is not the end of the world. Even if they blow it, even if they get hurt, they can still face it, and grow stronger.

Facing fears is one of the most challenging things for any person. We have all walked through fears and we have the opportunity to help our little ones as they walk the same path. Watching Star Wars, we see many that had to do the same thing. We can either help our children walk through this and succeed as Luke did, or we can watch them cave to their fears, and walk a dark path, just as Anakin.

How have you helped your children walk this path of fear? What fears have you had to overcome in your life? How have your experiences helped you connect with your younglings? If we do not teach our children to face their fears and walk through them, it will become something in their life that seems impossible to overcome. If our younglings never meet and defeat these fears, they will ultimately be enslaved to them for life, just as Anakin was.